Hollow (A pre-yearend journal series)

It has been a while since the last time I post. So far, my 2015 journey has been a crazy one.

As of posting, it has been 8 months since I got booted out of my career. I thought I had finally had my calling because I enjoy what I am doing. Apparently, it is NOT for me and that broke my heart and my newly-built self confidence.

I felt empty. I felt so hollow.

A few hours ago, I snapped at someone that I love. Yes, I admit that I’m not a perfect and I have been trying to somehow make my family and relatives proud of my achievements and accomplishments. But, look at me now. I got nothing to show it to them. The reason why I snapped at my aunt is that she wants me to do the things for my 18-year-old cousin. Things that I had NEVER asked anyone to do it for me. I learn to be independent and be resourceful. I only asked for help if things are getting difficult for me. We argued. I never understand why they (my aunt, my aunt’s sister and my aunt’sister’s husband) to be overly protected towards my cousin. Okay, I understand that they are watching out for her, but how will she learn? How will my cousin get to survive the real world? I felt it was so senseless to argue with her because they are blinded. They are blinded by the fact that we, the older cousins are her to help her. They ignored that fact that we are far away, got a job to take care off and other things to do. I keep on recalling that I never asked help from them when I got in non-moving traffic and got home almost midnight. I had a share of bad luck on the road such as gotten pickpocketed while taking a public transportation. But here I am now. Thankful that I’m still alive and much alert. All I want for them to stop treating my cousin as a baby and let her learn how to be independent on the road by taking public transportation. As of posting, my anger still lingers.

I still felt empty. After arguing with my aunt, I felt so empty… Hollow inside of me.

I pray that we will be enlighten. I pray that I may never feel hollow after tonight.


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