My Existence

After posting my previous entry, I broke down. I cried until I got no more tears to shed. I cannot understand what’s happening to me. I don’t want to experience this anymore! I just wish that I can go back in time, during my childhood days. No worries. No “adult” problems.

I am so IMMUNE to REJECTION. One proof will be finding that rightful career for me. People thought that I got no goals in life. If they only knew how much each of my secret goals are being crushed ONE by ONE!

I am tired.

What’s next for me?

Can I still hold on?

I am so tired.

I don’t know if this post has this “complain” tone. I don’t care.

Right now, writing my thoughts somehow ease the blow of fate. I’m put everything that’s crowding my mind. That heavy feeling seems to lift up a little.

Stress? Yeah, everyone does through that!

Drama-queen? You can accused me of that, I don’t care. Because yes, my life is not going has I planned.

I am a burden.

Useless.

Hopeless.

Loner.

Lazy.

Stupid.

Ugly.

Self-centred.

Pathetic.

So, why am I still here?

Why do I still exist?

Purpose? What purpose? Damn it, I’m 33 and at this age, I should know that, right? Or else, I would have never done to this path of depression, self-loathing, self-pity and all the sh**ty drama!

I am so, so tired.

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