Where’s the OLD ME?

A few minutes ago, I was feeling guilty over buying a box of tea. I’m with my mom doing some errand and we just happened to be in the groceries. I went to buy that tea since it is the last one on the aisle. I asked my mom for the money that I gave to her a week ago (I earned it from freelancing but that wasn’t big. It is like a mere tip but still I gave it to her), and she gave it to me. The reason why I am feeling guilty? Because that money is supposed to go to our savings. Even if it won’t pay our bills, the fact is that our motto is: EVERY CENT COUNTS! But in my conscience’s defense, I haven’t bought anything for myself, lately. This is actually the first thing that I bought for this year.


I hate being like this!

I hated the fact that I made a decision without realizing that my family (especially my mom) is suffering.

This is my consequence for that wrong action that I’ve done 2 years ago. I can never take it back! The only thing that I can move on and move forward is that if there is someone out there who will take me.

Okay, rephrasing it…

The only thing that I can move on from my depression (and maybe grief and disappointment from myself) and to move forward is to have a regular job/career.

Exhale loudly.

I think I had enough of elaborating my career dilemma here and I don’t want to create any negativity in here (even though I have posted a few blogs saying that this is my online journal and it is therapeutic for me to write down all my negative thoughts because it ease my mind and heart).

Again, I will just leave it here. I’m sorry, Mom for being brat! I’m so sorry for being like this. I hope that you know how much I struggle into getting back my old self. I don’t want to waste anymore tears. Just please, I’m begging of you to be more patient with me. I know you understand me and sorry fro letting you down. I promise that I am trying to be strong. I am trying to bring back the old me; the one who is a positive-thinker and never lose faith. Sorry and thank you for being there for me, Mom. You know that I cannot verbally express this to you, but deep down you know that YOU CAN FEEL it.


For all the parents out there

Since the holiday season is near and there will be lots of family gatherings here and there, I would like to share this blog to all, most especially to parents all over the world.

Click here to read. This blog was written by a very concern mother.

Stay safe and be vigilant!