Frustrated (again)

Not feeling well right now…

  • Woke up because my lower abdomen is painful, probably due to my constipation (my period was over, a week ago)
  • Frustrated over family & financial problems
  • Frustrated over my pending Wattpad story that’s currently hanging over the said site. I cannot seems to finish it no matter how many ideas that are popping in my brain.
  • Refusing to cry because I know I won’t feel better and it may make matters worst.
  • Questioning WHY I still exist.

It won’t stop! When will my problems end? We can only take enough without going insane. Again and again and again, everyone have different levels of problems BUT not all can deal it.

It is too much…

Please stop!

I don’t want to give up but I’m already on the edge of GIVING UP.

I’m feeling ANGRY right now.

God, is this your punishment for me?


Hitting slump & self-doubting

So, I am back with my negative thoughts.

Update on my writing…

I am starting to doubt myself.

Yes, self-insulting is back!

How can I bring back my confidence? I am starting to question my creativity. I don’t know if I am just lazy or scared. Right now, it is a mixture of both!

Scared because I am not good like the others. Given that this is my first time to write publicly using Wattpad scares me. My first draft which is a prologue took me 3 days to compose, and to think that my mind is working overtime with all these ideas floating swimming inside my brain. I had to put them all down to my notebook so that I won’t forget them. But now, I am hitting a slump. Because I am scared, I had been lazy. As of the moment, I have been staring at my desktop computer screen for almost 3 hours, still stuck with the prologue.

I am supposed to be good at this.

I am supposed to be happy and just enjoying my creativeness flows through me.

But, NO.

I got scared of criticism.

I got scared of readers not liking it.

I got scared that it is not an original.


See how my brain works?!?!?

I cannot afford a short creative writing class/course. Moreover, I cannot afford to pay a proofreader to check my work.

Yes, I am so insecure right now.

Yes, I have a high expectation to myself.

Yes, I am pressuring myself.

Yes, I am driving myself crazy!

What should I do?

Discovering the creative-ME

Ever since I was a kid, I would always borrow my dad’s camera and take pictures of beautiful things like my siblings, the cloud formation in the sky and  mostly random things that I find interesting to be capture by my camera. During those times, developing photos is a bit expensive for an eight-year-old me. Now that I have shifted career, I want to make my new creative side, works!